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Miscellaneous Humor

Miscellaneous Things We Find Amusing

bus hell A land of annoyances and discomfort to which we regularly subject ourselves simply because it’s the easiest way to get eight kids and any number of adults to a competition several hours away. Nevertheless, we’ve found plenty of things to bitch about concerning said mode of transportation. (Above: Jeremy, David and Joe look out the bus window on the way to Chicago. The windows are down, which must mean that this was before the inside temperature reached Absolute Zero.)

	Absolute Zero The lowest temperature that is theoretically possible at which a material would have zero energy. This is also the constant temperature of the entire 12-hour bus ride home from Chicago because a chaperones had all the windows down.
	Arkansas Highway Transportation Department The branch of state government responsible for repairing and maintaining roads in the Natural State. Apparently the guys in charge don’t take their responsibility very seriously, as we have traveled on the worst roads known to man.
	Joe’s disposition Requiring almost as much sleep as Bart (see You’re going to make a great dad someday), Joe Burton can sleep anywhere, anytime on a moving or stationary bus. His uninterrupted 24-hour slumber en route to Myrtle Beach is legendary. Ms. Roberts once tried to awaken him when we stopped for breakfast. Valuing her life, she tried only once.
	The Light Arkansas law requires that all buses have a flashing light on their roofs to alert other drivers that a school bus is near. (As if a mammoth yellow vehicle hurtling down the freeway isn’t noticeable enough.) Bart Taylor was the first to notice that the light also produces a high-pitched whine. He kindly pointed this out to the rest of the team, and now we are all driven to the breaking point by the constant, irritating wail.

Efff! Euphemism for the "F-word" that we use as often as Eddie Murphy used the actual word in Raw.

feenin' Craving intensely, as in, "Ms. Roberts was feenin' for a cigarette, so that's why she's so bitchy," or "Joe's feenin' for sex, so it's lucky he's getting married in a week."

“Danny Boy” Irish folksong that inexplicably played for 45 minutes on the way to Fouke after everyone had fallen asleep except for Brent Roberts. He whimpered in agony until the bus hit a groove in the road and the CD stopped.

Golden Statue of Michael Jackson With Bubbles the Monkey Sitting On His Lap In Chicago, we saw a poster of a golden statue of Michael Jackson with Bubbles the Monkey sitting on his lap. We took it off the bulletin board and kept it for ourselves, of course.

Vilonia stoplight Traffic light in Vilonia, Arkansas, which Mr. Davis has been known to run in the wee morning hours. Whether this is because he was very tired or just thought he could get away with, we will never know.

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Last modified: June 24, 2000